I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
