I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
