it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
