He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
