i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
