you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
