he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
