I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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