you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
