Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
