Can i not drive my cunt home
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
