you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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