I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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