just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
