i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize