are you still at the devil's house?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
