Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
