Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
