So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
