Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
