As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
