Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
