if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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