I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
