i think my tv is drunk
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
