So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
