Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
