walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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