Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just threw up on my dentist
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
