girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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