i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize