Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
