fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
