Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
