plz talk dirty to me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
How's work?
Spinning.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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