We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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