I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
