Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
