we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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