dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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