I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
