First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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