i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
