Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
