I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
