i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
