She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
