His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
