We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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