I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
