this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
