6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize