just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
