Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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