youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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