She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize