I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
