No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
