Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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