eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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