So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
