i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wish there were birth control emojis
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
