Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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