Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
