Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
