I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
