can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
