Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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