His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
