The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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