Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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