i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
