So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
