Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
