I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize