If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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