Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
