Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
