Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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