people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Still dying that you shit outside
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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