i love accidental penises.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
