If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
