I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
