the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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