I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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