anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
