She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
