Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
