Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
