my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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