dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sobbing to NWA
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
