I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
