I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize