i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
