okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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