I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
