Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
