You're completely useless in the revolution.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
