I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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