I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
