I'm so fucking centered right now
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize