i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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