He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
