I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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