Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
