Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
