We're facebook friends in real life
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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