i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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