my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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