so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
